The answer for holiday stress

It’s that time of the year when the Mall’s are anxiety producing. I do holiday shopping in as few stores as possible, but I still end up with a headache. The anxiety starts early in the parking lot when you slowly drive your car, following a shopper laden with packages until they arrive at their car. Then you sit and glare at every car who might come close to your newly found parking spot.


Then, in every one of the stores we are bombarded with the music designed to make you want to throw up. From Regis Phillbin to the Chipmunks, we are entertained with thoughts of holiday cheer which are engineered to reflect insincerity.


However, in the midst of all this insanity, I discovered there is a hidden cure for holiday mania. It’s a secret that took some skill to unlock, but I will share it with you. Take a pen and write in large letters ‘STRESSED”. Now recopy the word starting from the D and moving back to the S. 
Behold the divine sign that will point in the direction of your survival. It is a gift from God. Follow what it says and you will have a wonderful time of the year. Just Say’n.
 P.S.  You can only follow this advise until January 1, then you have to go back to the diet. Till then, follow the sign with reckless abandon.